At the end of last year, I decided to lay off men and stay clean for awhile. I made this decision for certain reasons
Firstly, in the last year i dated about 4 guys and had intimate relations with 4, i wont get into details and i just realised i made a mess of things. I had to face certain consequences i hope never to have to face again. PLUS I AM TOO YOUNG TO HAVE A BOOK OF A LIST!
I also lost a dear friend. We were friends before we dated and it didnt end well, he wont speak to me or acknowledge my messages which hurt for a while until i realised there wasnt much i could do to change things.
Also, i realised that there is only one person who i have had a connection with that i honestly believe gets me completely and i dont intend to date and whore myself around to find another person and that means i need time to really know who i am to discover what i need in a relationship, i hate the whole trial and error thing, it hurts and it is stressful(body no be firewood abeg).
However, God either has a sense of humour and this is all one big joke or he has really picked someone out for me and this could be it. There is a new GUY!!!! he appeared just after i decided to lay off men. Its not like he is the only GUY, but he is the one i find myself liking, LIKING ALOT!!! And its scary, because I don't want to like him or anybody for that matter but i can't seem to help myself and the boy is not making things easier. HE IS NOT EVEN MY NORMAL TYPE.
Now the dilemma, I find myself reconsidering my decision, i know we make rules and stuff but they are there to be broke right (i went to secondary school and i know all about breaking rules). No matter how hard we plan something, fate intervenes and we realise we are not in control. So although i have decided not to date anyone, I think i am going to give this one a chance. Because you just never know, this could be IT!! I dont want to lose on a possibly good thing just because i have messed up so many times..
But what if this is a test, what if i am falling into the same trap that gets me into trouble in the first place?? and what if this is all just an illusion? what if the connection is a fragment of my imagination. I know i am desperate to believe that something good is out there.
I dont want to be my normal impetuos self, i want to look at things objectively and realistically without being negative and there is a thing line in my case.
So i have decided to give this a go.. i mean why not?? you never know..
xoxoxo.
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2 comments:
ok, problems here. dont mean to lecture, but your abstinence, or intention to be, could be what is making the guy attractive. its like fasting: you want to eat every time you smell food, however, if you were not fasting, you would find that you sometimes go without food for a whole day.
sensitive subject to comment on, cant and must not tell you what to do, but as a guy, i will suggest you dont let your little black book fill up too rapidly, it usually comes back to haunt.
You know you were so right.. that chapter is over, I had very little to talk to him about, the conversations were so painful and it took too much effort. Plus the guy seemed a bit too eager.. i might actually blog about it.
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