I LET GO.

Went to church today and it was intense. I dont know how many people are christians but for me, today was just another reminder of why I am a christain. It actually makes life so much easier contrary to popular belief. The fact that when you are hurting and heart broken, you can just call "Father" , God answers and takes over and you just lay your burden at his feet and it stops being your load alone to carry. The fact that even after committing millions and millions of sins, he can still forgive you when you ask him to is phenomenal. Alot of people don't get this and think it is too much but people forget that God is not like us human beings, he is called God for a reason.

Anyway, back to the topic of this post, Today's easter sunday service was about love and forgiveness. We are asked to take Jesus Christ as our example. He made such a huge sacrifice for our sins and is willing to forgive us, then who are we not to forgive someone who has hurt us? Why hold on to all that pain and bitterness when we can just LET GO.

So in light of that theme, i have decided to let go of all my bitterness and anger and resentment:

My Father: I am letting go of all this anger I feel regarding you. You have never been good to my mother. I always felt you loved me less than others and do not think I deserve as much love or support as you seem to give them(maybe this is just me paranoia speaking). But today, I am letting go. I am going to try to just love you and not hold any of it against you.

Mum: Why did you have to have a child for a man who already had two wives and nine children. why did you have to put me in this family? why did you let me go at the age of 7 to live with these people and make me the outcast. why didnt you talk to me more or make your self available? these are my reasons for being mad at you, for not calling you as often as other children all their mothers. I am letting go of all of that. I understand that sometimes life just happens the way it does and you are not to blame. You have tried to be a good mother and I am learning to appreciate the effort.

To you: You did some things to me as a child. I know I let you and I should have fought but I did not. Me keeping my distance is a result of this. I know you think I have forgotten, because I smile at you and joke with you but a part of me has never forgotten or forgiven you. But today, I am going to let go of the past hurt which has had present consequences. I forgive you and I will learn to replace that resentment with likeness if not love.

To you: I don't even want to spell it out and I won't. But I forgive you. You have caused me so much pain, it's insane and even till forever I will deal with the consequences. Of course you are not solely to blame but I have hated you for so long. So today I am letting go of you and the hatred and the anger. I don't know if I can love you but I will stop hating you.

To cousin B: for stealing my fave top when i was 12. Iknew it was you and even till today I can't stand you..lol.. but I forgive you.

To my wonderful Sis: I always felt you didn't like me much and for obvious reasons. I am the creation from your father's infidelity. I am one of the many proofs. And I honestly apologise for it. But i dont think that is enough reason for you to blame me everytime or point accusing fingers at me when something goes wrong. Pls do not hold me responsible for the crime of which I am only a by-product. Trust me, I wish I wasn't but that is life.

To you, my wonderful brother: you have pointed out to me once that I do not belong,taking my insecurities and using them against me. I do not look like you guys and I belong on my mother's side. I never forgave you for that. Even when everyone blamed it on your illness and asked me not to take it personally, I could not help myself but hate you. And I guess that explains my lack of sympathy for you. I want to love and blame it all on that horrible condition you have just like evryone does, but I find it so hard. Today, I replace my unforgiving heart with a loving heart. Today, I replace my mean spirited comments with prayed for your recovery. Today I ask God for a miracle for you.

To other people who I have a grudge against for one reason or another, Iam letting go. I am going to replace my bitchy and snide remarks with kind words, filled with warmth.
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PHEW... that was a bit of a relief.... I lie. These things are too easy to say and write but they have not been put to the test yet. That is when we really see the results. But I do want to forgive and let go. I hate having all of this anger in me. It makes a bitter person, one incapable of love. When your heart is filled with so much pain, the best cure is to let go of that pain and fill your heart with love and I really want to just do that. So today, I ask the Lord to help me to forgive and JUST LET IT GO.

Its not such a crazy idea people. It is possible to forgive others and you will realise how much easier life can be. I really do hope we can all try it.

x